


How It Should Be.

by highwayman_69



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU, Adultery, Bokuaka - Freeform, Bokuto - Freeform, Cheating, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay Sex, Kenma, Kuroo - Freeform, M/M, Yaoi, akaashi - Freeform, bokuroo - Freeform, possibly a bit of violence, there may be other character appearances if I need them, yelling and stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-04 00:08:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5312276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highwayman_69/pseuds/highwayman_69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bokuto and Akaashi have been a couple for five years now, since their third year in high school. Things were great at first, but their relationship is beginning to slow down. People change, and they may not know each other as well as they used to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to actually try and stick to finishing this one. Let's hope omg  
> The chapters might get longer as I go idk

“This is so much fun, isn't it?” Bokuto shouted in my face as he took both of my hands in his. He started to swing them back and forth with such force, I felt as though my arms could rip off at any second. “Bokuto… Please calm down..” I answered quietly, looking him in the eyes. They were so big and round… the most beautiful golden color I could ever imagine. So full of life and wonder. The exact opposite of mine. Of me. They squinted from the push of his cheeks, making room for his wide smile. He nodded and pulled his hands back and gently squeezed the ends of my gloved fingers. He’s always been the type to stay positive. He has his moments of self doubt, but always seems to get through it, without help from anyone. The excited boy dragged me along the busy street. We had been out all day, looking through different stores, and seeing all kinds of wonderful displays and street performances. It was winter. Snow was falling and the holidays were steadily approaching. He bought me plenty of gifts, to which I accepted after lots of insisting. “Akaashi.. How about we go back to my place after this? You could even stay the night!” I nodded in agreement, but didn't speak a word. 

It was starting to get dark and I could notice Bokuto slowing down as we made our way to his house. As we approached a lamp post, he came to a halt and I stopped just behind him. It was silent for a while, and he hadn't moved. I wondered if something was wrong. “..Bokuto.. is everything alright?” I felt a bit awkward, so my voice came out soft. His ears were red and I could hear him letting out a sigh. He turned around and took my hands in his again.   
“Akaashi…There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.. This isn't easy, so.. well…”   
He wasn't looking at me, but at the sky. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. I could feel my face getting hot, even in this cold weather. He looked so calm as he spoke the words I’d been waiting to hear since the day we met. 

“…I love you…” 

I could only smile as he brought his eyes back down to meet mine once again. The feeling in my heart at that moment was so intense, I thought I might burst from joy. His hand touched my cheek and wiped a tear away. Our bodies had gotten closer and his mouth was only inches away from my own. I took in his faint scent and slowly closed my eyes. I wanted this moment to last forever. Our noses touched and the gap between us had closed before I knew it.   
His mouth was warm and comforting. Just how I’d hoped it would be. He held me there for what seemed like an eternity. We separated after a while, but he held eye contact. I let out a light laugh and buried my face in his chest, and he wrapped his strong arms around me. Our bodies swayed as he held me. The wind was still blowing and it began to snow a bit harder. I didn't feel cold at all. I whispered into his coat and he chuckled. “What was that?” He asked in a teasing sort of tone. I turned my head to the side and felt my eyes tearing up again.

“…I love you too…”

______

 

I seem to have that memory stuck in my head. It keeps coming back, replaying over and over again. It makes me smile every time. Sometimes I wonder how my life would be different, had he not confessed to me that day, five years ago. I don't like to think of it, because I know my life wouldn't be complete without him. He means everything to me and I know he feels the same about me.   
Although, he has been acting different lately. His mood swings have gotten worse, and it seems as if he’s constantly stressed out. I try to keep him calm throughout the day, making him tea, rubbing his back and talking to him when he's upset. No matter what, he wont let me know exactly how he’s feeling. We’ve been together all this time and he suddenly can’t even talk to me.

I stare blankly into my cup of coffee and rest my cheek in my hand. The door creaks open and I turned my head immediately and get up to see him. Before I can speak, he takes his coat off and heads up to our room. All I do is watch. Will I be a bother if I follow him? I figure I should check on him just in case. I head up the stairs and peek into the room to see Bokuto on his side in the bed. I sat just on the edge of the bed and whisper to him. I don't want to be too loud, because he gets headaches easily.   
“Hey, sweetie… are you alright..?” He shrugged his shoulders, not wanting to give me a straight answer, like always. I lay beside him in the bed and caress his arm. I suddenly get this feeling in my stomach. I’ve felt it before. It comes every time he ignores me. Like my insides are knotting up or getting tight. A lump in my throat is another feeling I get on the daily, since things have been this way. After about twenty minutes of complete silence, I get up and head for the door. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?” I wait, but there’s no answer. I bite my lip and leave the room.

______

 

The next day isn't really any better. Bokuto wakes up, gets dressed and leaves for work without saying goodbye. I lay in bed alone and curl up in the blanket. I don’t know how to make this feeling go away, and immediately my tears start wetting the pillow. I’m fine. This is okay. He goes through this every so often that I should be used to it. This will end and he’ll be back to his cheerful self in no time. I repeat those words in my head until I can stop crying. I take a deep breath and sit up to start my day.  
I’ve never needed to get a job, because Bokuto worked enough for the both of us, and he insisted back then that he would take care of me. I remember he used to say the thought of me as a house wife was adorable, and he would love someone to come home to every night. He would go on and on about seeing me in an apron, cooking him a delicious dinner and cleaning the house with a smile on my face. It makes me laugh to think about his attitude back then. It was childish and hardly realistic. Who would want to live like that anyway? How he envisioned my future with him never really bothered me though. I wanted to be there for him no matter what, and if that meant cleaning, cooking meals and making sure he came home to a loving partner, I was all for it. 

As I go through the motions of the day, I keep a positive mindset. I hope today will be the day he comes back happy, and swings me around like he did when we were younger. I subconsciously scrub a plate in the sink, stuck in my own thoughts. The doorbell rings suddenly, and I jerk out of surprise. I turn the sink off and put the plate down, wiping my wet hands on a rag, heading towards the door. My eyes widen a bit as I open it. A little blonde boy stood before me, looking down at the console in his hands. “Kenma?” He looked up at me for a second and then brought his attention back to the game. “Yeah.” He whispers. He’s never been the type to shout. I step aside, inviting him in. He walks past me and puts the device in his bag. “I was in the area and thought I’d stop by. I hope its okay.” I shake my head and wave my hands a bit. “No, no its fine! I was just getting some chores done, nothing important. Is Kuroo with you? What were you doing over here?” He blinked a couple of times, probably trying to process everything I just said. I might've spoken a little too fast for his liking. “No, Kuroo’s at home. I was going to get a new game, but the damn store was closed.”   
He pulled a lollipop from the pocket in his hoodie while he spoke, and stuck it in this mouth. His hair had gotten a lot longer, and was pulled back into a loose bun. He was still quite childish, depending on Kuroo for countless things. To be a bit more honest, he was spoiled. He didn't pay bills, he spent all his money on games, candy and cigarettes, and acted a little too nonchalant, a little too often. He was a friend of course, so I kept my opinions to myself. “Okay, well I think Bokuto has some games in the living room that you can play, just let me finish the dishes and I’ll be right out.” I had a lot more house work to do for the day, but I smiled anyway. I guess I could give a little time to spend with him. I don’t get visitors very often after all. 

Kenma had already set up the game in the living room by the time I came back out. I sat with him for a few hours, and we talked about this and that. I forgot how nice it felt to have someone over. None of us really played volleyball anymore, so we didn't get many chances to hang out and spend time with each other. I began thinking about the old days. My teammates. I missed them. I can’t really imagine what they could be doing right now. I guess it doesn't matter much, since It’s not likely that I’ll ever see them again. “Hey. Are you okay?” Kenma stared at me. I guess I had gotten quiet all of a sudden. I tend to do that when I get lost in thought. I blink and nod. “Yeah, I’m fine, thanks..” Kenma popped the candy out of his mouth and looked away. We were both silent for a minute before he spoke again. “How are you and Bokuto, anyway…?”   
I didn't know how to respond to that question. I could just say we were fine, but I’d be lying at this point in time. My mouth opened to give and answer, but I was cut off by the front door slamming. We both looked to see Bokuto rushing in. He stood in front of me looking as angry as I’ve ever seen him. My eyes were wide and I could feel my heart stop. I stared up at him, not knowing what to say. “Bokuto….?” I pushed his name out at least, but he quickly turned and headed upstairs once again. My eyes shifted between the staircase and Kenma. I was frozen.   
Kenma stood up, and got his things together. “I think I should probably get going. See ya..” He left with haste and I was alone. I felt strange just now, almost confused about the look on his face. I was afraid that nothing good would come from this impending conversation. Scared that whatever went wrong for him was my fault. I shook the thought from my head and followed him, thinking that this problem needs to be resolved. We need to talk.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto and Akaashi have their talk and things seem to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not an expert writer, I'm just bored and I love Haikyuu  
> Sorry this one is sad haha 
> 
> ~Thanks

My feet felt heavy going up each step, and I took deep breaths. I cracked the door open and saw him hunched on the edge of the bed with his palms to his eyes. I can only guess that he's crying, and I immediately go and sit next to him. 

“Bokuto… what’s wrong..”

I rested my hand upon his shoulder and rubbed my thumb back and forth in a soothing manner. He sat still for a while, not saying anything, but turned suddenly and wrapped his arms around me. It actually took me by surprise, but I held him too.

“Akaashi… I lost my job… I’m sorry… I lost my job.. I’m so stupid! I hate myself! Why can’t I do anything right??”

My eyes widen just a bit at the confession. Another one. Its the forth job he's been fired from this year.. It wasn't what I expected, but not nearly as bad. Of course he’d be upset about this. He probably feels a whole mess of emotions right now, because thats just how he is. As if every single negative thought he could possibly think up came to his head at once, crowding and filling it up.  
But its the same when he's happy and excited. His mind becomes jumbled and he can’t hold it in. Everyone around him feels what he feels. He’s amazing and he doesn't even realize it, putting himself down for the simplest mistakes. One single unfortunate thing happens, and he’s a wreck. I don’t mind though. I’ve been seeing him like this for years, and it hasn't changed my feelings for him. It worries me though, because I know he's going through something that I could never understand, but it’s important for him to maintain a stable job. I can’t let this phase me. If I show signs that I’m bothered, he’ll lose it.

“Hey, hey… It’s alright.. I’m not mad at you. You’ll find another job. I promise. You always do and it’s fine, right? What makes this time any different?”

All of a sudden he pushes me back hard with both hands. I stumble off of the bed and put my arms up. He stands up too and looks at me with angry, tear filled eyes. His cheeks are flushed and his hands are balled up into fists.

“YOU DON’T GET IT. YOU NEVER DO. IT’S NOT FINE.”

How am I supposed to react to this? He doesn't usually put his hands on me so I need to try and keep the situation under control.

“Alright Bokuto. Calm down. We can talk about this like we always do, okay? I can’t tell what you're thinking, so you have to let me know. Why don't you sit d—“

“No, why don’t YOU sit down! What the fuck do you do all day anyway?? While I’m working my ass off all the time, you're at home relaxing? You have NO idea what I go through everyday, and you have the nerve to tell me to calm down? Get a job and fucking help me, why don't you? I feel like I'm struggling all by myself!”

Oh. I suddenly lose all my thoughts and I can feel my face getting hot. He feels like he’s going through this alone…?  
“Bokuto.. you're the one who told me to stay home. You said you didn't want me to have to work. I would've gotten a job a long time ago, if you felt like I wasn't doing anything for you. You know, recently it’s been hard for me too. You come home without saying hello, you don’t eat the food I make for you, you don’t want to lay with me or have sex.. What the hell am I supposed to do. You're treating me like a stranger, and…..”

Fuck. I can feel the tears welling up. I can’t let them out, or things will get worse. I try to hold them in, but they fall against my will.

He walks up to me and pulls me close. His forehead is suddenly pressed against the top of my head. His eyes are shut tight and I can hear him start to sob. He puts his hands around my waist and holds our bodies together.. It’s warm.  
He silently apologizes and I do the same. We stayed like that for a while, not speaking or moving at all. Both of our tears stop coming and I press my face deeper into his chest. He repeats over and over again that he’s sorry. I shake my head. None of this is his fault, and that’s just how I see it. There must’ve been something more that I could do for him. I decide to whisper when I talk just to keep him calm. 

“Bokuto… I’ve been thinking a lot.. about us…Maybe we’ve gone through a lot of emotional stress recently, and its been hard. Its almost like we’re stuck. So.... what if we need to take a bigger step.. and by that I mean…. getting married..? 

I felt him flinch, so I know he was startled by the suggestion. I pull away and look up at him to elaborate. 

“It’s just that we’ve been together for five years and it’s never even come up once. We even live together in a house.. I love you and.. you love me too right..?”

He’s not looking at me. Was that the wrong thing to say? Even so, we can’t stay like this forever. Our relationship needs change and movement. Something to keep things interesting.

Before I could say anything else, he nodded his head, and whispered, “sure.”  
I was happy, even if I couldn't understand how he truly felt about it. He was okay with it. He wanted to marry me, and I wanted to cry. I hoped this would bring us closer and we could fall in love all over again. I leaned up and caught his lips. Warm and soft, as usual. He lifted me up slightly by the waist and carried me to the bed.  
Our eyes met and my heart was racing and filled with lust. He removed his shirt and my hands immediately found his chest. My fingers felt around, getting familiar with his body again. We hadn’t had a single intimate moment for months and it was refreshing to be able to touch him. 

“Hold on Bokuto.. Let me get up..”

He nodded and lifted himself off of me, already knowing what my intentions were. He sat on the edge of the bed and I got on my knees in front of him. I began to undo his pants and looked up to see his expression. His large, round, golden eyes were lidded and fixed on my hands. They shifted to my own eyes and I immediately averted my stare, bringing my attention to his dick. I held it in my hand and gave the tip a quick lick. He seemed to enjoy it. I could hear him groan just barely loud enough for me to hear. I closed my eyes and licked from the base to the top, before taking it all in my mouth. He leaned his head back in pleasure and smiled. I know he needed this. I did too.  
His dick moved in and out and I could feel it getting really wet. As I tightened my mouth around it, his hands ran through my hair. I peeked to see his face. His eyes were still closed and he had his head turned slightly to the side. He was slowly starting to pick up the pace and the tip of his hard dick was hitting the back of my throat. He started to breath hard, but I just wanted to tease him. I took it in my hand, and popped it out of my mouth, causing him to look down at me. I licked my lips while keeping eye contact with him. I was trying my best to sound sexy, because I felt the need to impress him after all this time.

“Baby… I want you to fuck me now… Please..”

My cheeks were burning and I’m sure I looked like a ripe tomato after saying that, but I kept my composure the best I could.  
Apparently it worked because he was over me in a flash, literally ripping the clothes from my body.

“Bokuto….” 

I whispered, slightly shocked at the abrupt movements. He was giving me this strange look. So calm and focused, as if he were deep in thought. I took this time to wrap my arms around his neck and bring his face down to meet mine. I kissed him softly but passionately and he didn't hesitate to return it. He ran his hand down my side, all the way to my thigh.  
It felt so good just to be touched, and it didn't take long for his fingers to find my ass. He immediately started to push one inside of me. It was tight and hot and I could feel every bit of it. It did hurt just a little, but I didn't want to ruin the moment and complain. It might throw him off. I kept quiet as he added another one, but shifted uncomfortably at the third. I was starting to feel a bit more pain than usual. 

“Hey… do we have any lube around here..? Just so maybe it’s a little easier to put it—“

I stopped talking because he looked annoyed all of a sudden. That’s… not good. He rolled his eyes and got off of me, heading towards the dresser. I watched him dig aggressively, trying to find any bottle of lube we might’ve had laying around. I sat up, not knowing what else to do. My eyes followed him as he paced the room, rubbing the back of his neck. This was making me anxious, and I didn't really want to be difficult.

“You don't really have to use any…. I just thought it would make things a little easier or more comfortable. It’s fine, please don’t let this stress you out.“

He stopped and stood still for a second, before turning to face away from me. He started to pick up his clothes. I couldn't believe it. 

“Nevermind. I’m suddenly not really in the mood.”

 

At that moment, I felt as though I had failed as a partner. I let him down and now he’s leaving. My nose started to feel tingly and a lump formed in my throat. I didn't bother to get dressed and covered myself with the blanket. What did I do wrong? I’m the one who keeps messing up. I can’t make him happy. Tears came pouring out all at once.  
I half expected him to come lay next to me and tell me that it was okay, but I knew that would never happen, not with how we are right now. The sadness that filled my heart was beginning to turn into anger. Why was this my fault? Am I not allowed to be comfortable during sex? It was the most idiotic reason to be upset! How thoughtless can he be anyway? He opened the door to leave, and I couldn't stop myself from sitting up and letting my emotions take over.

“Bokuto. Quit being so selfish. Don't you care about me at all? You’ve been ignoring me for months and the minute we’re finally about to have sex, you get pissed because I ask for lube? How stupid and rude and childish is that? You’re not a kid anymore, you can’t keep throwing these temper tantrums!”

He whirled around quickly to retort.

“Rude and CHILDISH? Who the FUCK do you think you're talking to, Akaashi? Why don’t you take a look at yourself before you come at me, calling me ‘childish’… Nevermind.. Fuck this.. I’m leaving..”

He opened the door and I got up, still holding the blanket, and grabbed his arm. Before I knew it, I was on the ground. I felt an unbearable stinging pain in my face, specifically my right cheek. I was stunned for a minute, unable to move. I looked up at him. His eyes were tearing up but he left anyway, without saying another word. It wasn't until after he was gone that I realized. He hit me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi is through with waiting, and decides to confront Bokuto. His relationship might be okay after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took forever and I'm sorry. Hope this is okay! :)
> 
> Idk if it's a little short ..

He hasn't been home in three days, and I think I’m starting to feel numb. Or dull. Or maybe just empty. I never imagined this would happen to us in a million years. Our life couldn't be falling apart so easily. Am I letting this happen? Of course I am, otherwise I’d be trying to get a hold of him like crazy, right? To apologize, or say ‘I love you’ over and over again until he rushes home. Honestly, I just don’t know what I should do. My cheek is bruised, but only stings when I touch it. I really can’t even bring myself to look in the mirror. I guess I just don’t want to think about it, because this is not something Bokuto would ever do. It’s not like him. If I pretend it’s not there, I don’t have to look at him that way. Like he could hurt me. He’s the boy who saved my life, and made me realize that happiness and love can last forever. That you should never stop smiling and understand that the world is filled with possibility and wonder. 

Yes, it is filled with possibility. There are two possibilities with love, as far as I’m concerned. A relationship can remain strong or burn away in the blink of an eye. Yes, it’s filled with wonder as well. I wonder what will happen to us, and where I should go from here. I wonder If we’ll be okay in the end, or if I’ve just been so horrible to him that he decides to leave and never come back. It’s definitely hard to smile when he’s not around. Everything he’s ever promised me is twisting into lies.  
I throw a rag down hard into the sink and dry my hands. A knock on the door gets my attention, and I hurriedly run over to answer, hoping it’s him. It’s not. A familiar blonde boy stands before me instead. 

“Hey. Thought I’d stop by to see how you’re doing. In case you’re wondering, Bokuto is with Kuroo. I’m pretty sure he’s been there for three days straight. It’s kind of annoying. I’ve been out of the house though, only coming back to sleep at night. I don’t feel like being around those two while they’re together. Too loud.” 

Kenma lets himself in and sits on the couch. The look on his face let’s me know he’s thinking hard, and may be a little worried. I’m not surprised though. I haven’t even tried to cover up the giant bruise on my cheek. I interrupt him before he can mention it.

“Do you think it would be okay to call him right now? I’m not sure how he’s feeling at the moment. I didn’t want to call out of no where and make him upset..”

He looked at me with a blank face. “No, it should be fine. You are his boyfriend after all… He should be thankful you’d even bother with him at this point. With a bruise like that, Kuroo would probably never see me again. It should be the same with you…” He was silent for a second before finishing his thought. “Don’t let anyone treat you that way… It’s not like you..”

I bit my lip. He’s right. It really isn’t like me at all. Even so, how could he tell me what I should be feeling. He couldn't ever know the bond between Bokuto and I. It made me just a little angry.

“It’s not fair…” I whisper. I didn't mean to say that out loud, but it just came out. I realized my voice had gotten shaky again. Great. I looked up at Kenma to see if he noticed, and sure enough, his eyes were on me. Nothing gets past that boy. He would know your deepest secret by the way you say ‘Hello’. As I fight back tears, I hear him speak quietly from the couch. 

“I’ll stay with you tonight, Akaashi.”

 

___________

 

It’s been about two more weeks now, and he still hasn't come back. My eyes are dry. Kenma had been at my house for a couple of days, but I told him I needed time alone. I decided suddenly that this was too much and I needed to find Bokuto and have a long talk with him. I started getting dressed as fast as I could. I had to get ready now, because I felt like I wouldn't be able to get myself up if I waited too long. I ran downstairs to find my shoes. As I turned the corner, I crashed into a big chest. My eyes grew wide and I stumbled backwards. I lifted my head up to meet those all too familiar, beautiful golden eyes that I’ve missed so dearly.

 

“Bokuto..”

 

All of a sudden I was presented with a ring. I couldn't really understand what was happening, until he took my hand in his. 

 

“Akaashi.. I’m sorry for everything.. Please.. forgive me. I know I’ve caused you a lot of stress recently, but I want you to know that I absolutely do love you.. so, so much. If I could only have you say yes, right at this moment, I’d be the happiest man alive.  
So, Akaashi. My love. My pretty owl, will you please be mine forever…?”

 

His eyes are lidded and just a bit glossy. Mine are too. I can tell he's trying to keep himself from crying. Normally I would've giggled at the pet name, but I was just too overwhelmed that he was even standing in front of me at all. He stood a bit awkwardly waiting for me to answer. Not knowing what to say, I simply nodded. 

His arms were wrapped around me tightly in an instant. We held each other for so long before I felt my body being lifted off of the floor. Cool air rushed over me as he whirled me around. I was so overcome with nostalgia and happiness that my tears came pouring out all together. Oh, I have wanted to feel this way again. This was it. We can start over and be happy again. He carried me up to our room and for the first time in forever we made beautiful, passionate love to each other. Our naked bodies felt so right, so warm against each other. I missed him. I have missed him more than anything in the world and I don’t plan to lose him ever, ever again. 

 

____

 

I heard my alarm go off in the morning and swept my arm under the pillows to find my phone. I hastily turned it off before moving my body back a little to stretch. Oh…yes… so amazingly hot. One of the best sensations I’ve felt in a long time. Another body next to mine, right where it belonged. I flipped myself over to face my love. He was awake, but still sleepy, looking as adorable as ever. Whatever I can feel in my heart right now feels familiar. Like I’ve fallen in love all over again. It feels new and fresh and so overwhelming. Tight.

 

“Akaashi…? Are you okay…? He spoke quietly.

 

Why wouldn’t I be okay, Bokuto..? I’m doing absolutely wonderful. He reached his arm out and pressed his thumb under my eye and wiped a tear away. Oh, okay. That’s what you meant. It’s pretty funny that I don’t even feel them come out anymore. I just smiled and nodded. He lifted himself off of the bed to get dressed.

 

“Well.. okay. If you say so! Hey, I have an idea. Since we’re both free today, why don’t we go out and find you a nice dress to wear for our wedding? Get one that shows lots of skin!! AHH! Haha, I’m kidding!”

 

A dress? He wants me to wear a dress.. He usually rambles to himself when he’s getting ready to go out. It’s so cute but I can’t just sit and watch him all day, as much as I’d love to. I had to get ready as well if we were planning to go shopping. It was actually a chance for me to get out of the house for a change, which was good. Maybe I could even pull together a cute outfit and make myself look nice… I suddenly felt a rush of excitement come out of nowhere when I sat up. The realization hit me hard. We’re getting married! I’m going to marry the love of my life, finally, after so long! This is all I’ve been waiting for. I threw on some decent clothes and dragged Bokuto out the door. 

 

____

 

It took almost half the day, trying on lots of different dresses before we could find the perfect one. I was a little nervous to come out and show Bokuto. This was at least the tenth dress we’ve looked at, but it felt a little different from the others. I started to sway back and forth in the mirror, admiring the beauty I saw in myself. Simple, white and sleeveless. No frills or lace. No fluffy bottom or extravagant pattern. Just a classic, gorgeous wedding dress. …Okay, I guess I should probably let him see now. I came out into the open where he could see me, and my cheeks burned at the expression on his face. He stood up.

 

“..What… Is it ugly..? I’ll go change it right—“

 

“NO! …or…no… It’s beautiful…. Akaashi, you look amazing. Stunning even!”

 

I spun around a couple of times for him as my entire face began to heat up, keeping my hands down at my sides. Before I knew it, we were twirling in circles over the room. I put my head against him, letting him lead our little dance. 

 

“Hey… You know I really am in love with you, right..? Everything that happened all seems like a huge blur to me now. I don’t think I was even myself. I never meant to hurt you Akaashi, I really need you to understand that. I’ve made too many…. mistakes over the past couple of years and I want to make them up to you. The only way I can think of is to be the best husband I can be..for you. Forgive me for what I’ve done.”

 

His voice was low and tender. I could feel it rumble through his chest and pressed my face even further into it. He whispered now. So quiet I could barely hear it myself.

 

“Even the part you don’t know..”

 

Now, I really don’t want to think about what just came out of that mouth of his. In fact, I didn’t even hear them. Nope! He never spoke those…words..  
It’s okay though. It probably doesn't mean what I think it means anyway. Because Bokuto isn’t that kind of guy and it wouldn’t even cross his simple mind to cheat on me. Unless it was his simple mind that accidentally let it cross. God, I’m not sure how stupid he can be sometimes, but I want to keep telling myself that I’m wrong. I’m just jumping to conclusions and he’s just wording things differently. I giggle out loud at the thought of it, receiving a concerned look from Bokuto. I gasped at my own slip up.

“Oh, sorry. It’s nothing.”

Wow I’m really pathetic, aren’t I? I can’t even express my feelings towards my soon-to-be husband. But it’s not technically my fault is it? I mean, If he didn’t give me reasons to want to scream at the top of my lungs, I wouldn’t have to force myself to ignore reality at all costs. How could I tell him I was worried about the possibility of him cheating on me? It would only cause more problems, especially if I was wrong all along. I pulled away and ran to the dressing room to change back into my regular clothes. I wanted to get out of this place already. Change the situation and subject all together. We bought the dress and headed out.  
As we exited the shop I noticed someone familiar approaching us. Messy black hair and narrow hazel eyes. Wonderful.

“HEY BOKUTO! What’s up, man?”

Their bodies collided in a rough embrace. They were best friends after all. They always have been. I used to get a little jealous back in high school, only for the fact that Bokuto would leave my side to hang out with Kuroo so suddenly. One second we were walking side by side, the next, he was gone. I never resented either of them for it though. I mean, who am I to tell them when they can and cannot be together. That would make me look like somewhat of an asshole. Anyway, I kind of do love their relationship as a whole. It’s reassuring to watch them bond and spend time with each other. Bokuto needs someone like that, outgoing and loud. Someone fond of fooling around and being frivolous, allowing him to get all his energy out.  
As I watched them engage in conversation, I noticed Kuroo shift his gaze towards me. The look in his eyes seemed almost…dangerous, like a warning of some sort, even though his voice hadn't changed in tone. I didn't keep contact for very long and checked Bokuto’s face for any sign that he had also seen. Of course he hadn’t. Sometimes when he goes on and on about something, he gets so excited that his eyes just close completely in happiness. He held his head up high as if he were talking about something he was proud of. It’s so cute. But that’s basically how he talks about everything anyway.

“Hey bro, why don’t we do some shopping together? It could be fun!”

Kuroo’s hand brushed against Bokuto’s ever so slightly. His body language was sly and tense. Being someone who doesn't usually speak up or confront problems head on, I stayed quiet thinking it was nothing. Bokuto casually pulled away from him and smiled at me. I gained another exasperated look from Kuroo as he said that it was fine, and that he wasn't busy today. Bokuto excitedly ran ahead, skipping with every other step he took. Kuroo and I trailed behind.

 

“You know Akaashi… you should really give it up.”

Okay. What is this? Is he trying to intimidate me? Why? I’m not sure what I did to make him upset but I thought I might find out soon. I held a strained expression but decided to keep quiet for now and just listen to what he had to say next. 

“Yeah… You and Bo have been going through some rough times recently.. That’s not good is it? Ever think maybe you two should finally just get it over with and split up? I honestly think he’d…I mean, you’d both be happier, right? With everything that’s been going on, he’s probably over this whole idea of living that simple ‘family type’ life anyway.”

I could tell he was holding back a smirk, and it annoyed me. What am I supposed to say to that? I can’t just say nothing.. I kept my voice quiet.

 

“Kuroo….Quit beating around the bush, okay? What are you trying to say.. because I really don’t think I like where this is going.”

He scoffed at that. Suddenly his chest was blocking my vision and I couldn't see Bokuto running ahead, oblivious to the situation. I looked up to see Kuroo’s face, and a shiver ran down my spine. His eyes were low and a bit menacing. 

 

“Akaashi. We had an affair. Bokuto doesn’t love you anymore..”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end!   
> Hope you don't mind the ending I chose! :)

“Oh…. okay..” was all I replied with. I should be screaming right now, but when I go back and think about how our relationship has panned out, I get these thoughts of acceptance. Almost as if I expected this. I wasn’t really surprised, but I still didn’t want to believe it. The last string holding my entire world together had finally snapped from the weight of me holding on. And I fell. Fast. 

I turned around and took off without looking back. My eyes were still dry but my head began to hurt like hell. The only thing I had on my mind was getting back home and packing my belongings. It’s over now and I can’t take anymore.   
I burst through the door and immediately found a suitcase in our closet and started throwing clothes in. Where was I going to go? What all am I going to take with me? Am I making the right choice or am I being hasty? All these questions were coming to my mind at once, but I couldn't think clearly enough to find an answer to any of them. My breathing was heavy and my chest was tight. Everything was packed away in less than thirty minutes, but I knew he was probably going to follow me once he realized I was gone. He didn't even notice when Kuroo had confronted me so it probably looked like I just disappeared. I shook that thought away because all of a sudden, it didn't concern me. What he was thinking or where he was. I just needed to get out.  
I went for the door and opened it only to come face to face with him once again. 

“Akaashi? Why did you run home? Is something wrong?”

Oh my God, why is he so clueless. It’s not fair. 

“Bokuto move. I’m leaving..”

He stared at me for a second only to ask, “Where are you going?”  
in a worried tone of voice. My heart hurt at that moment. I didn't want to explain it. I shouldn’t have to. I tried to walk past him but he blocked my path with his arm. I looked up at him with tired eyes giving him a look that simply meant ‘move’. He didn't give in and kept his arm where it was. He asked again.  
“Akaashi, where are you going??”

Before I knew it, I exploded.

“DON’T YOU DARE ASK ME THAT. GET OUT OF MY WAY. NOW.”

He moved his arm and stepped back, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. He tried to speak my name but I didn't want to let him say it. I slapped my hand across his face as hard as I could.

“I’m leaving Bokuto! I’m leaving and I am never.. coming back. I’ve just had enough. Kuroo told me what you did and honestly, it’s just too much for me. I want to cry so badly right now but I don't want to waste any more tears on someone who doesn’t give a shit about me. We were supposed to be in love and be together forever, but I guess that’s just not gonna work is it? It just can’t work out?? Every single day has been like hell for me. I don't know if you even knew that or ever cared! Why should I have to live like this? We’re so different from how we used to be and I don’t feel like you love me at all anymore! I mean, you even went so far as to cheat on me, and with Kuroo too! What about Kenma? I’ve tried so hard and gave up nearly everything for you, and for what? I guess I’m just THAT stupid aren't I? I’m holding onto something that’s FALLING. APART. It all feels so fucked up. Crying everyday because….. how could I leave you..? You are my everything…. I always wanted to be the one you could count on. The one who made you feel happy, like everything was going to be okay. It just stopped working all of a sudden. I’m going crazy because I can’t figure out what I’m supposed to do. We can’t fix it, I know that now! So be happy with Kuroo or whatever.. Do what you want and lose 100 jobs or have a mental breakdown, get in a fight, cry, scream, be depressed, be anxious, be happy and overly excited and I’m SO SURE Kuroo will be there for you through everything! Treat him like you’ve treated me! Cheat on him, shut him out and he’ll stay, cause he’s SUCH a GREAT GUY Bokuto! You don't want lazy, boring old me, who can’t satisfy you anymore. I know that I will never be good enough for you. We probably should’ve broken up a long time ago, but I…… believed in us……. and I love you more than I love myself…. And I am so….… so hurt…” 

I burst into tears. I cried as loud as I ever have right in front of him while he watched in complete silence.

“…I’m sorry Bokuto…. I’m sorry things turned out this way… This just can’t go on. It’s time for us to..…”

My hands were shaking so badly. It felt like my whole body was on the brink of breaking down. My stomach was turning and my face was hot. I knew I had to do this but it was still so fucking hard.. It was suddenly so quiet…  
I gently rubbed the ring on my finger and huffed. 

“Wasn’t this supposed to fix everything….?”

I smiled a little thinking of how I had imagined things happening before, although my eyes were so tear filled that I couldn't even see. All of our memories came flooding through my mind. The first time we met. Playing volleyball. The look on his face when we would win a match. Our first kiss. Cuddling in his car, taking in every scent. His head on my lap with my fingers running through his soft hair. Making love for the first time. Taking showers and buying the house together. We’d been through so much but It all seemed so far away.…   
I pulled it off slowly and tossed it to his feet. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at him. I just continued to walk away with everything that was solely mine. Nothing that belonged to the both of us. I turned to see Kuroo approaching the house, laughing. Why the hell was he here….

“Akaashi? Are you leaving? Did you finally, after all these years, realize your relationship was a GIANT waste of time?”

I looked up just long enough to see his shit eating grin before I knocked him out cold. I felt the sting on my knuckles while I stared at his unconscious body lying on the ground. I shook my hand out a bit and finally left.   
That felt good… at the very least…

 

__________

 

I didn’t know if Kenma was going to be okay, or if he would even find out in the first place. Although I wanted no connection to Kuroo whatsoever, I wanted to keep Kenma’s number in case he needed me. I decided after some time that this was the best thing for me, and for Bokuto as well. It was time for me to focus on myself and become a better person. I was going to find a way to be happy.   
I ended up moving away to another city for a fresh start. I got a job and my own apartment and after a couple of years, things were finally beginning to look up. I thought about Bokuto almost everyday but I was able to move forward without being affected by it. Kenma eventually found out what Kuroo had done on his own and contacted me shorty afterwards. We became much better friends, and he was even planning to move soon as well, to come find a place to stay near mine. 

Living alone, I felt more calm. It was quiet but peaceful, and I could breathe a lot easier. I really was hoping I could find love again, even if I told myself I couldn’t, I never fully doubted it. I knew it would just take time and I was more than willing to wait. 

The weekend came around and I stopped by the store to pick up some groceries. It was my birthday, and I wanted to celebrate even if I was going to be alone. A nice dinner was good enough for me. I reached for a item on the shelf and my hand met with another. I instinctively pulled it away and looked at the person standing next to me.

“…sorry….”

He chuckled a bit and my eyes got wide as he spoke.

“No, no, you’re fine! Go ahead and take it.”

He was a handsome, mature looking man who actually looked very….. familiar. My heart began to race and I touched my own chest. I hadn't felt this way in what seemed like forever. Would he even remember me..? We didn't talk much and we even went to different schools.. I was able to get myself to speak up even though I was nervous.

“…Daichi…?”

We finally made eye contact and he gasped lightly. He smiled and put his hands on his hips.

“Wait a minute.. I know you. Yeah! From highshool! Akaashi right? God, I haven’t seen you in so long, how are you?”

My face immediately lit up, but I tried not to act too excited. I was still blushing… I don’t think he really noticed.

“Good.. I’m just getting by. What about you..?”

He put his hand behind his head and laughed.

“I’m great! I just moved here a week ago and I’m trying to get used to the area. It’s good to see you! We should definitely find some time to get together soon! Actually, would you mind showing me around next weekend? Maybe we can catch up a little bit.”

He smiled so big with the most perfect teeth I’ve ever seen. I was trying to tell myself to keep from forming a crush but I couldn’t stop it. He had such a good energy and always seemed like a really good guy… I smiled at him. How could I turn this down?

“Yeah, sure.. I don't mind. We can trade numbers. Do you live alone..?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I came by myself. I guess I just wanted a change of scenery.”

I told him my opinion of the city I lived in and gave him my number. I felt like this could be something good. I wanted to take a chance with someone and there couldn’t be an opportunity more perfect than this one. We went our separate ways for the day, and I continued shopping. I stopped and suddenly thought of Bokuto again. How would he feel about this..?   
No. I shook it off my mind. I don’t need to be thinking of that, because it doesn’t matter. I have my own life now. Bokuto will always be in my heart and I won’t ever forget what we had. We weren't meant to be together after all. I love him, and I wish so badly that it had gone differently. But the way things are now…. This is the way it should be.


End file.
